Dear Tom

Dear Tom,

Thank you for being such a wonderful father and husband. I love you so much and thank you for your years of support.

I regret to inform you that if you don't stop leaving bottlecaps, dirty tissues, assorted food wrappers and the like on top of the entertainment center, I will have to smother you in your sleep.

There are garbage receptacles all located within 20 paces of each other, just like at theme parks, just for your convenience.

Thank you for your prompt attention in this matter.

-Stina